The North Unitarian Universalist Congregation Newsletter January 2008

Pastoral Care at NUUC

Various religious traditions are proud of different things. Some are proud of their perception that their beliefs are “the Truth.” Others are proud of their service to humankind or their rapid growth. We UUs are often proud of our independent spirit, our spiritual seeking and our support for individual choice. We’re not, as a rule, fond of people telling us what to think or to do. Nor are we fond of being seen as in need of help. We often value a tough-minded, one-foot-in-front-of-the-other approach to life. Along with our independence goes a measure of respect for one another’s privacy.

These traits serve us well in so many instances. We think carefully about what we value and believe, and have great respect for others who do the same. Many of us are not afraid to take an unpopular stand on issues of justice or fairness. We are not afraid to engage with people whose views are different from our own.

However, our independent streak doesn’t always serve us best in the arena of congregational pastoral care, those times when we are in need of help or when we’d like to offer help to another congregant. It can be hard for us to know how to ask for assistance, without feeling that we’ve somehow failed. It can be just as hard to offer assistance, without feeling that we’ve violated the other person’s right to privacy.

This lands us squarely in a dilemma when it comes to the pastoral care we offer each other as a congregation. Whose responsibility is it to meet needs that we see in our congregation? Because we UUs invented church committees we sometimes feel bound to live within those confines. Often that’s a good idea. Worship services might never get planned if we all had a say in who would preach the lay services or what the topic would be. However, when it comes to pastoral care, it’s perhaps not as functional to think that the Pastoral Care Associates should be providing all the care not done by Susan.

Our Pastoral Care Associates are trying to discern how best to serve the pastoral needs of our congregation as we grow and change. As you might imagine in a UU context, there are ample ideas about how to meet these needs. However, the one thing that comes up again and again as the PCAs talk with Susan about our role, is that providing pastoral care is the privilege of everyone who is part of the NUUC community.

Sometimes the first step in providing care for each other is the sharing of joys and concerns. That part of the service is dedicated to community-making by giving members and friends an opportunity to share publicly what matters in their lives. It is an implicit invitation to the caring community to offer support or to share in celebration with those who have shared their concerns with all of us. Of course, not everyone is comfortable getting up in front of the congregation. For those people, a personal conversation may be their preferred way to share. In either case, we can show our support in several ways: by talking with the person after church, by making a phone call or writing an e-mail later, by sending a card, or by offering tangible help, such as making a meal for the person.

It can feel risky and awkward at first to offer support or help to someone we may not know very well. We may not be sure how it will be received. Frankly, some of us may not be sure how we’d receive it if help were offered to us. But, one thing to keep in mind is that a stronger, more connected community probably won’t arise out of the status quo. The compassion and care the members of the NUUC community have for each other is apparent. It’s worth the risk of doing something a little outside our comfort zone in order to make our support of each other even stronger than it is now. Perhaps in the coming weeks, we can each risk a little to help this community gain a lot.

Finally, a little reminder that our Pastoral Care Associates are still available to friends and members of NUUC. In consultation with Susan, we are happy to be of help or to connect you with the resources of the congregation. One such resource is the “casserole brigade.” Congregation members, coordinated by Teri Cornell and AnnMarie McCallister, are willing to take meals to those who might need such help for a variety of reasons, including illness or injury. If support, a listening ear, or more tangible help would be of value to you, please feel free to contact one of the Pastoral Care Associates: Teri Cornell, Crystal Coulter, Allison Fagan, Chris Jones-Leavy, Beverly Rodeheffer or Eileen Watters.